There Are Days When I Miss You & There Are Days When I Don't

March 06, 2013

(here)

I've been falling back in love with my tumblr recently. You could probably learn anything you really needed to know about me just from one page. In other news, It's been a pretty prolific week for the poetry front as well. I've been journaling like mad and listening to Ryan Adams Live Albums and Cornerstone by the Artic Monkeys. Midterms are here, but that also means Spring Break is nearing...and honestly, who couldn't use a break?

I've been cycling through the emotions of disconnect and loneliness  while dealing with the overwhelming feelings of strength and motivation here lately. I've poured my soul into clay and it's kneading, not so much it's building. I've re-evaluated friendships and been happy for the escape of some - come to realize who I can count on and whose welcome I've worn out. I've given myself over to different people in so many different ways in the past few weeks and I've questioned my own motives at times. I've been wanting everything and nothing at all. Small cogs in my head click together, small realizations that never quite came to fruition until now. I've smiled and I've also drudged on through the mundane and the forgetfulness and the carelessness of being imperfect and flawed. I've worked and wavered and it's so exhilarating and nerve racking to teeter on new precipices of your life, not quite sure which way you'll lean.

Life is stressful and brilliant and inspiring. It's everything. Things change quickly and often, just not when we're expecting it. It's the small things, like the lists you make at the beginning at each week and that cup of tea before bed that make the world go round. It's the consistencies. I live for normal, but ache for the a-ha moments in between that make 'normal' good enough for now. The small sparks that fuel the fire of everyday are endlessly important to the process.

Perhaps, it's foolish to think I'm different from anyone else. Perhaps the only thing that makes me different is that I choose to record my emotions and struggles and victories (via journal/poetry/blog/art), while others merely choose to live with them.

Lots on my mind here recently, sorry for such a random style of posting. I know I don't usually just go on like this, but there's something so raw about being honest and taking away the facade of permanent happiness and optimism and just typing out what's on your mind for a minute. This blog is usually reserved for upbeat subject matter (and I like it that way), but it's also a place to be real and it's nice to remind myself of that.

What's on your mind these days? Anything is better than nothing.

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1 comments

  1. I love this entry, not because you're struggling, but because I can relate to it and it's beautifully written. I hate those moments where you want to reconnect with every relationship you've ever lost but deep inside you sort of know you shouldn't reconnect in the first place. I like to be by myself usually but there are so many of those days that I wish I just had a 'bit' more friends to go out with. Not going to lie, it's somewhat hard for me to maintain friendships.

    I wish you the best of luck in sorting things out! Remember, it's only a struggle now, but life will always be beautiful :)

    ♥Jessica
    http://thesushibox.blogspot.com

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