About Being ChoosyJuly 22, 2013
Definition of Choosy (or interchangeably 'Choosey'): Overly fastidious in making a choice.
I'll admit it, I've always liked to brag about how not high maintenance I am. I'm agreeable usually about reasonable things and like going with the flow. I get my make-up done in 10-15 minutes and do the bare minimum with my hair. Am I uptight about certain things? Sure, who isn't...but in the process of getting ready to go back to school it's come to my attention that I'm -gulp-
I hate the word picky, because it suggests that I'm picking apart everything and that I could literally be the most unhappily insatiable human that ever existed. Also, picky, at least to me, suggests some sort of bratty entitlement which I certainly believe I have none of. For example, I'm picky because I'm entitled and fabulous enough to be so. Ugh to that. I believe the line between picky and choosy is a fine one, but it definitely exists. So, over picky, I opt for the word choosy. I'm a choosy individual - there I said it.
Though it shouldn't come as a major revelation, it sort of has. It's been something to think about, acknowledge and let sink in. I've always been taught that maintaining a moderately high level of standard has never been anything to be ashamed about. My parents were always going on about how I should never settle for less in life, for example, when it comes to schooling or academia. That I should live within my means - but never sacrifice quality. I learned from Cher Horowitz that being choosy about men is no cardinal sin. She owned it in her one-liner, "See how picky I am about my shoes and they only go on my feet." She would never have settled on a high school boy - so neither did I (not because I didn't want one at the time, but none seemed to work out or potentially lived up to my choosy standards).
Anyways, back to preparing for college.
I realized yesterday as I was crying over sheets in the middle of Target's bedding aisle, that even though being choosy isn't the worst flaw in the world, it can come with some ridiculous moments/side effects. I realized that I'd had this same moment several times before. I flash backed to prom dress shopping senior year and me crying on the way out of a store because nothing I seemed to like came in my size and things I only moderately liked didn't look any good on. I flash backed to the summer before freshman year when I spent hours scouring bedding and backpacks, determined that my whole freshman dorm experience was centered around one ridiculous piece of Anthropology bedding. I cried when my parents told me it was too expensive - then I got a job and paid for it myself. You can see the evidence of my bedding struggles from freshman year here, here, and here.
Being choosy can be highly motivational and highly frustrating at the same time. I find myself constantly living in a world of I could live with this I guess, but I really don't want to. This can apply from everything from shoes to men. I'm always looking to avoid settling. I don't want to waste my time, it's perpetual fear. I find myself turning down potential boyfriends because I just don't get the right vibe or think I see a future there. I have a fear of wasting time with that individual - getting trapped in a comfortable just-okay relationship. Yikes. Similarly, I find myself not starting some sort of shop to sell my artwork because I'm afraid I'm under prepared and that it will flop. Why waste my time when things are not up to par? So, I keep working...working...working. It can be easy to fall into the perpetual hunt.
Some people could confuse choosiness with indecisiveness (which I've done - when I'm unable to determine which any perfectly fine options will make me most happy). However, overall, I just want to get something I love for the best bang for my buck (literally and metaphorically) and if that's being choosy, then I don't mind. I'm hoping my choosiness can be further utilized as an asset, a motivational tool if you will.
Are you choosy?