About Losing Followers + Why It's Going To Be "Okay"December 17, 2013
I've never had what anyone would dare say is a 'big blog.' I'm no DIY maven, fashion savvy savior, kitchen whiz, or a mamma/mamma-to-be. I'm not about to marry the man of my dreams or go on some epic life-changing trip. I don't own that nice of a camera and I'd rather not dabble in political or religious conversation more than I have to. There are many parts of my life that I consider too messy/crazy/sacred and personal to share. Life is obviously nowhere near perfect.
My hair looks crummy 99.9% of the time
I'm breaking out because I haven't bothered to charge my Clarisonic in a month
I live in a sorority house with 90+ other girls
What little space I do have is cramped and messy
My friendships struggle more than I let on
I could eat better most days, but have run out of energy to beat myself up about it
I'm taking anti-depressants right now for a plethora of reasons I can't stomach getting in to on this blog
I've come to the conclusion that maybe I just can't stomach male attention either
I have lots of ambitions, hopes, and dreams (and I am a pretty determined lady despite all my set-backs)
I spend half of my time stressed out about the lack of jobs/internships/prospects I have lined up in the future
I'm taking 18 hideous hours next semester and am fully preparing to never see the light of day
My brother is my favorite person in the world and that's why I feel the need to talk about him here so often
I'm such an introverted person at my core (each day it feels like a challenge to open up even to those I'm closest with)
Etc Etc Etc
That's it. That's me.
This blog sometimes goes stale when I lose the motivation to post, I'll admit it. On the other hand, sometimes things get a little too routine and predictable. Sometimes I whine a bit too much about school and post about nothing really in particular. I could write longer posts and take better pictures. I could be more involved for this reason or that, I suppose. However, that wouldn't be me.
Whenever you lose followers, it's easy to jump to the conclusion that you've done something wrong. That was my knee-jerk reaction when I lazily checked my followers and realized I had lost 3 in the past month. It's easy to think you've gone and bored someone to death or offended someone. It's so easy to think that they hit that 'unfollow' button because they started to notice all your flaws all at once.
I quickly realized that you have to take a step back and think about who you're really blogging for in the first place. Are you blogging because you're trying to fit some idealized blogger version of yourself that would be more interesting to read about, for the benefit of strangers? I'm guilty of this at times.
One of the things I've always loved about blogging, has been the community. I've always loved being able to find and connect with amazing people from the farthest stretches of the world and be inspired by them and their online space. It's an experience unlike any other. I started blogging for myself, not for a single soul besides myself. Is it amazing and fun to have people follow you (and feel connected to you and want to read about your life on the daily)? Yes - absolutely. It's a fantastic ego boost. However, I've noticed that having followers puts all this pressure on me. It puts pressure on me to churn out something worthwhile and interesting to read, and when I can't do that I remind myself that I should put something out there anyways. When someone unfollows you, it feels like you've done a shitty job at maintaining that online relationship...that you've done a shitty job at being entertaining enough for someone else. In essence, it really sucks.
You have to remind yourself that it's going to be okay. It's not about the numbers (it's really, really not). It's not about being some show pony with the ability to churn out 5 posts a day. It's not about producing because people you don't even know are expecting it of you. It's not about any of that...or at least it's not for me.
I'm not putting down bigger blogs or people who make blogging their career (because that is probably the best career ever). I'm not putting down people who are able to churn out 5 exhilarating posts a day. All I'm saying is that at the root of blogging, it has to be for yourself. I know that no matter how many people visit your blog, losing even one follower feels like a blow.
But let me tell you, it's going to okay.