Still Sick The Frig;

July 22, 2010

Well, My First Grand Attempt At Waking Up At 8:45-9 Was Completely Demolished. Last night things looked promising though. I worked on two more new oil pastel projects from about 10-12. Then I had to hash some things out (I'll get to that later) then of course I had to Skype Callista Marie to tell her all about it/cry like an infant. I ended up not wanting to go to bed until 3 AM and then due to this damn cough I have (because I've been battling a cold for over a week now) I didn't manage sleep til almost five.

I remember once I got up to use the restroom and I guess I must've disabled the alarm. Anyways, I woke up at 12 noon on the dot this morning. I did tan for about forty-five minutes this morning though. I need color bad and it's too hot to stay out for long long periods of time. forty-five minutes gets me a shade or two of color and if done consistently like I plan hopefully it'll achieve the desired effect. I may even go back out again around two when it's a little cooler (hopefully). Here's the weather forcast for where I live:

Isn't it yummy? Okay, now onto the event that needed hashing out. In ninth grade I met this guy named Travis. We instantly became friends and after talking over the summer we decided we liked it each other and by August of our 1oth grade year we were dating. 10th grade was a rocky year. After being an only child for 16years my mother told me she was pregnant, I was coming off of a stupid breakup, my friend Meghan and I quit speaking, I was generally unsatisfied with our relationship, my bestfrined Paula and I had the equivalent of WWIII go down and we were no longer friends etc etc. I clung to Travis even after I decided to break-up with him. He'd been through everything with me and our whole relationship was dependent and destructive. I learned to love him (just not romantically) but I used him. I used his love for me. I used him for attention because I wanted someone to care. I wanted someone to tell me how/special amazing I was. It was bad and I did a lot of really messed up things. I can fess up to that. I never said thank-you and generally I was a terrible friend. However, I felt guilty because I still wanted out. I wanted distance. I wanted to live my own life without him so involved in it. Then he left me. He came to his senses and dumped me and our friendship. He has every right to be mad at me but after not speaking for several months I've put aside my pride to apologize. I cant do anything more and I'm really torn.

^ Eh, I Don't Want To Go On Because That Barely Scratches The Surface. But I Will Be Back Later (After Lunch) With Happier Things...


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