The Mondays + Life RamblingsNovember 25, 2013
(anyone else have a weird natural texture to their hair?)
It's Monday and I'm tired. I want Thanksgiving break to be here, but then again I don't. Once we come back there's more due than before and the pressure will be off the charts before finals. Oh god, finals. Ugh. Then it's Christmas break and then it's a whole new year and then it's summer all over again and then I'm a senior in college. It's too much to digest all at once. I can't and I won't.
Everything moves too fast (so many baby and engagement announcements are blowing up my social media that I can't even handle it), but I constantly find myself wanting life to just hurry up already. I don't know what I'm waiting for or what great epiphany I'm waiting to hit me. The other day I was in my Photography class developing film and I overheard my instructor who's a grad student telling someone else about how her boyfriend finally got a great job offer in Dallas and how excited she was to be moving there after finishing up her degree in the spring. In the most excited and semi-desperate tone she said, "I finally feel like my life is beginning." So, maybe that's it - maybe that's what I'm waiting for. Maybe I'm just waiting for my own life to feel like it's beginning.
Sometimes I get caught up thinking about the future and I come away terrified. What if it doesn't work out for me? What if all of my potential just goes to waste? What if I don't ever get married or get a job out of college? I freak out, but then an even sadder realization somehow washes over me. Is the greatest thing I can hope for is stability? Are my goals really that narrow?
I was lamenting my twenty something woes to my mother when she said, "You're the only thing holding yourself back. You can go anywhere you want. You're young and you're not tied down, so go. Granted you may have to work your ass off to scrimp and save to go where you want. It's going to be so hard, but you can do it." This reignited me however. I feel this grand sense of wanderlust welling in my chest. I realized that as much as I want to be engaged and have babies (that grand human desire to feel like I'm fitting in with my peers I guess), that I'm just not in that place right now. I don't have any romantic prospects in sight even, but that's okay. I realized that I want to get out of here. I want to experience new places and work really hard to get there. I want to be self sufficient and I want to be okay with being my own person. I think if I do that, the rest will all come naturally, or at least I hope so
On an unrelated note, I have big plans to update the blog over Christmas break. It needs a bit of a makeover and I'm even thinking about changing over to Square-Space or a self hosted Word Press. I'm not sure yet. Plans for the blog are still in the early planning stages, but just know that even if I haven't been very consistent, I'm still here. I still care as much as ever about blogging and sharing a mish-mash of things that interest me. I like the freedom I have here in this space and I love each and everyone who reads what I have to say no matter how mundane.
So, it's Monday. Let's get it done.