Gold Liner & Gloomy DaysFebruary 25, 2014
Everyone has off days, yes? It can't just be me, right? This month started out snowy and when it wasn't snowy it was gloomy. This year I've had to learn new ways to cope and that usually involves me ending up in one of my "spots" and taking as much time as need. Usually I put on the same repertoire of songs - sad songs, angry songs - really just whatever I need. Sometimes I get a coffee so that I can get a nice caffeine buzz going, other times I don't. I pull into the same spot and I just take moments for no pressure silence. I take a moment to be totally frustrated or to ugly cry if I need to. Sometimes I call a friend or my family if I feel like it will help. Sometimes I wallow and sometimes I just sit still and let everything soak in and over me.
As this month draws to a close, I've been doing a lot of reflecting. There's a lot on my mind and a lot of it isn't all that positive, but I feel that's important to share moments like these within reason. I'm human - totally vulnerable, overwhelmed, and halfway disheveled at times. Sometimes I need my moments, too.
At the beginning of the month, I decided to document one of these moments and I just wanted to share these photos before I forgot all about them and they became irrelevant. If you want to get into the mood for these pictures I highly recommend a lot of stillness and the song "Telethon" by Emily Haines.
In addition, I just briefly wanted to touch on the subject sharing emotional/difficult subject matter on the blog. I'll say this upfront: I don't name names or share too many details of negative things/situations going on in my personal life. Those things are sacred to me - private matters to be dealt with outside of the public forum. However, I don't feel as if it's wrong of me to share if I'm frustrated, sad, disappointed, or angry in this space. I don't think it's wrong of me to share experiences, generalized and all relating back to me and my perspective in this space. If I really need to vent about things more thoroughly, I have other outlets in which to do it (and I abide by this quote when writing in those private spaces: “You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better."-- Anne Lamott”). There's a line there and I'm usually exceptionally careful not to cross it not only due to personal beliefs, but also for the sake of people who I know in everyday life who read my blog. Whatever I put out here in the public forum is about me and me alone. If it's public, usually it's thought out pretty well. My blog isn't a place where I hide, it's a place where I share.
Luckily, despite everything I just got into above, there is so much good outweighing the bad in my life.
That's the positive note I wanted to end on. Usually, after these moments of intense sadness, anger, vulnerability, or blahness there is a total upsurge in hope in my soul. I feel renewed and capable. I remind myself of all the amazing, small positive blessings I have and it makes things feel manageable.
As this month comes to an end, I just want to acknowledge that it hasn't been the easiest one, BUT so many good things exist and will continue to persist. I'm focusing on trying to put positive vibes into this next month and I can't wait to keep venturing on. There are so many amazing opportunities and moments coming up in this next month and I can't wait to share. March is going to be a good one, I can feel it!
So, tell me, do you have anything special you do whenever you're having an off day or are feeling down? Also, where is the line you draw in your own blogging life whenever dealing with hard, personal subject matter?
(P.S. - This is my 500th post! Whoah!)